Monday, 30 May 2011

Violations soon to hit Bama Football

**Satire** With Ohio State now staring down the barrel, the NCAA will then move onto their next big dirty fish. The University of Alabama Football program. As of right now, the NCAA has MAJOR dirt on Bama and an investigation is imminent.

When Trent Richardson was recruited, his family got all the benefits out of him signing with the Tide. His family got given a brand new beach house on the coast of Pensacola, and an additional $1,000 every month since Richardson signed on the dotted line. What did Richardson get guaranteed? The starting job at RB, but that seemed to be the one thing he didn't get given did he?

That is just one of the many Bama players who tasted the forbidden fruit. Highly recruited players out of High School Mark Barron, Julio Jones, Mark Ingram and Dre Kirkpatrick all got new rides, and each recieve $1,500 every month. The NCAA has tracked the paper trail, and Bama should recieve a LOI within the next month (specifically, June 20th, 9:28am since that will be when Nick Saban will be eating breakfast).

About 70% of the team have been recieving regular pay-checks, since Bama's team is full of awesomely awesome talent. When Barron missed that tackle on Zachery in the Iron Bowl, Saban took away his pay-check that month and made Barron pay the University, just so he could get Saban to teach him how to tackle properly.

Speaking of Saban, he has already phoned up OSU to enquire about the head coaching job, and OSU have agreed to let him interview in a year's time, since OSU have agreed to let an assistant head coach take the job for now. Saban wants it because he said and I quote:

Nick: "The fans down here are rabid aight?! they want championships every year and I can't keep up! Can I join ya'll?"

OSU AD: "Im sorry Nick, we are gonna stick with Fickell for now"

Nick "Aight, let me know when its free!"

Then we come to some of the other prospects that Bama has recruited over the years. The NCAA recently found out that Bama bust Tyler Love got given a rucksack of one hundred dollar bills, which he was given under a bridge. Here is the legit evidence:

Don't you love it when you find legit evidence to back up a legit argument like this? The evidence is so legit it is going to be so groundbreaking in this "Burnt Turds" investigation.

What are the likely punishments for all these offences? Bama is on probation and was noted as being a "Serial Repeat Violator" So I think they could get the USC treatment. 30 schollies taken away for the next 3 years and no home games either. How does that sound?